Moiola Parents Get Tips on Conflict Resolution

Conflicts are a part of life, but they do not always have to result negatively, and Moiola K-8 school parents learned on Monday night the tools necessary to positively deal with a situation at hand.

“Once you have the skills, you have the opportunity to use it during a conflict,” said conflict resolution programs consultant Deirdre Hill of the Orange County Department of Education.

With the help of Moiola students in the Peer Assistance Leader program, Hill was able to demonstrate frequently occurring conflicts and the various outcomes—depending on how a situation was handled.

Through dramatizations, the audience was able to view the different approaches most often taken in a conflict. The shark approach is when a person acts in an aggressive or bullying manner. A turtle approach is when a person avoids confrontation and stays away from voicing any opinions. And an eagle approach is when a person takes on the situation by defining the problem and attempting to understand the other person’s point of view.

In order for a conflict to be resolved, parties involved would need to be eagles, Hill said, when responsibility is taken and mutual respect is given.

In order to resolve a problem, the parties involved need to identify the conflict before taking any actions. For example, Hill asked the audience how they would feel if their friend did not show up to their lunch date. With four students holding up signs with “Mad,” “Sad,” “Happy,” or “Scared,” parents were directed to stand next to how they would feel in this particular situation.

Most went to “Scared,” saying that they would be worried, while others went to “Sad,” sharing that they would be disappointed and one standing next to “Happy,” because she would be “fine with it because things come up.” Hill suggested that a level of awareness be kept since people have a different in opinions and emotions.

Once the problem has been identified, the next step is to work on effective communication by concentrating on the “I” message, which is to use the first-person statement to let others understand your emotions. This method is to help steer away from the “You” message, which is often used to attack, accuse or place blame on others, leading to further arguments and a negative result.

Hill, who was a middle school teacher and has been involved conflict resolution since her college years, admitted that even she needs to stop and remind herself to take on the “I” message from time to time.

“It’s not always perfect,” she said. But with practice, the eagle approach will eventually come as second nature.

Understanding conflict resolution methods comes only with benefits, said Hill. Relationships will strengthen and individuals can live a healthier life by eliminating unwanted stress that often comes from unresolved conflicts.

It is never too early to start teaching a child to effectively communicate. Although some younger children may not understand how to verbally express their degree of emotions, parents can help by asking questions and slowly guiding them toward using the “I” message.

Moiola has already begun to excercise the methods Hill shared with the parents. Through the PAL program, 20 student participants, serving as recess and lunchtime conflict managers, have proved that effective communication is key to conflict resolution.

The program has allowed students to seek help from their peers, and interactions on campus seem to be improving as a result of the program, said PAL adviser Michael Waldinger. “There is data that shows how PAL has lowered the number of teacher-reported incidences and the kids are really able to better understand how to effectively resolve a problem,” he said.